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Oh god, im sick and i fuckinapos; hate it

AFKing on Wonderland Online while typing my excuese note from friday. I have 3 tests to make up from that day. I should really stop taking days off.

I designed the most perfectly awesome coat today in spanish class. Since its getting cold, I need a jacket anyway. I havent decided on the colors yet either black, blue or purple. I just need to get my hands on some monster fur. I still need to buy a regular hoodie. I saw some at walmart but they all looked kinda cheap. I donapos;t know whats up with this skulls and guitars theme they have going now. I liked the old shirts they had with stupid sayings on them.

Also, i have decided that Im just gonna start buying my jeans online, because most of walmarts new pants suck, im either too tall for them or they all just look funny. Plus i think its alot easier for me to just buy jeans offline anyway, more chance of me finding good pants that I like and that fit me.

Momapos;s making muffins...it smells good... And now im hungry again.. I need to go back on my diet, i have been eating randomly alot lately. Just because we have food and theres nothing else to do. Also, i have been sick lately and i dont feel like doing much else besides sleeping and eating. I planned to go back to dancing tonight but maybe later. I need to take some meds. I totally want to practice go go dancing, it looks like fun and mom says i need more exercise, I know they have dvdapos;s for sale so maybe Ill get one of those.

I need to buy more CDapos;s or burn them whatever... But the thing is i cant find the cd that I want, so im waiting for it to be released because... I donapos;t want to go and hunt down every single track and make a CD out of that....

I also need to clean out my camera, its loaded with pictures and stuff from anime club. I still need to cut the video from the first meeting. I want adobe bridge I need it to sort through all those damn pictures and I refuse to do so until i have it, or something like it so... I guess i should get downloading.... Oh well, off to find a torrent.

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Okay, here it is.

i dont have a fuckin job. But im working on wendsday building a house.

im only excited about my tape collection, and my speakers jsut half broke, so i have to turn my record player up all the way so i can faintly hear fleetwood mac.

feels so pointless.
i have my hair pulled up in my beanie right now, and it looks really weird. But i like how that feels, so im gonna do it for a while today.

i do things that just should not be done. But ijsut want to be happy, and i have to atleast try


wahhhhhh wahhhhhhhhhh wahhhhhhhhhhhhh


so its rainy, and overcast. Started reading another book last night.
i have felt faintly sick for the past few days, because i drank way too much the other night.

i just love to write, it makes things not seem so pointless. But after im done writing this, what do i do? i have to find some point. Or be happy with out a point.

there are not enough people in my life right now.

want so bad to find that pond. If i had gas money, i would go there right now, and pray. Im really not that unhappy or atleast i shouldnt be. And most of the time i am not.

i think what would really be the best right now, is to split wood, and build a fire. I dont want to worry about what other people are doing at all why do so many people want me to?

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�� Fighting day� So Irsquo;m probably going to sound like the typical misunderstood teenager, but I had to get this out.

�� Exceptionally, we were having a family lunch (itrsquo;s becoming a rare occurrence these days) when things started to get sour. We were discussing my brotherrsquo;s love life, gently teasing, when he said ldquo;I donrsquo;t French her a lotrdquo; (well, in French, it was ldquo;Je lui roule pas tout le temps des pellesrdquo;, which is pretty rude). He was joking of course but the joke was lost on our parents who started ranting on talking better in front of them and everything (even though they donrsquo;t talk much better themselves). It could have ended quickly if they had stopped once their point was made but noooo, thatrsquo;s not what they do. No, they keep going for hours and hours even if you say you understand, even if you say that it was just a joke. Though my brother and I donrsquo;t exactly have the best track record on getting along, I defended him for once, after he left the table upset. My parents were pretty pissed after that, complaining that they can never talk to him because hersquo;s either never at home or hersquo;s in his room in before his computer. Granted they have a point, he spent way too much time out of the house or on his computer, but I get why he doesnrsquo;t want to talk to them. Their definition of talking is pretty specific: it usually involves them telling us what we should do, or what wersquo;re doing wrong. Irsquo;ve never heard them asking him about what he does in class and hat he does with his friends. �����������Thatrsquo;s why he talks to me and not to them. But of course, when I try to explain this to them, they go on saying ldquo;donrsquo;t tell us how to raise our son, yoursquo;re only 23rdquo;, etc. Good going, keep treating me like a kid, I love it. That makes me want to spent so much time with them. If they actually paid attention, they would see how they hurt him sometimes. But whatever, I think theyrsquo;re in for a surprise when wersquo;ll get away from the house as soon as we get the chance.

��� Anyway, the afternoon ended on a better note with the three of us (my mom, my dad and myself) going for a short walk. We went to the woods but due to my momrsquo;s health, we had trouble coming back. We had to climb an ascending path (is that how I should say it? You know, a path tat goes up) but my mom had to go slowly because she gets tired easily and has trouble breathing. As usual, my dad was his pig-headed self, and a jerk. Nothing new.

Well, that felt good. At least I know that if they ever find this, they wonrsquo;t be able to read it, they canrsquo;t read or speak a word of English.

Chris.

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Tonight has been one hell of a night, sold out because of the Penn State game, a group from Michigan (opponents) in house, a wedding, a sweet 16 birthday party and a bacholorette party.� Top that off with 8 million hellions running around my lobby screaming at the top of their lungs and an incredibily sloooow co-worker, who thank God is gone now, and you have my night.� I could go on about it forever.....but I wonapos;t.� Anyway...the Penn State game is now over, we are about 45 minutes away from the stadium and I have 45 check inapos;s due to show up from this game....NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS NEXT HOUR� Iapos;m in chat if anyone wants to chat before my mad rush, I may not be around afterwards if anyone gives me any crap lol.

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You know what i hate? people who contradict themselves. Especially guys. They tell you one thing, then say the complete opposite and then expect you to understand. WELL I DONT. Its not like iapos;m mad, just frusterated.� its like, make up your mind already. It makes it worse when they say theyapos;ll explain what they mean but when you ask, they brush it off like you said nothing. Its not like i want you to change your answer, i just wanna know what you said if i dont understand, PLEASE, explain so i do ughhh. Why is life so god damn confusing? why cant it just be easy? that would make things a hell of a lot better on my part. I hate sitting here trying to figure out what the heck he meant by those things and if i should just give up hope at all. Why cant guys just say what they mean and mean what they say? well that would make life less challenging though wouldnt it? and we cant have anything in life be easy now can we fuckkkk thissss.
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